How to Stop Feeling Shame All the Time

How to stop feeling shame all the time starts with identifying what triggers with this complex emotion, says clinical psychologist Vidula Sawant in the video below.

Shame is a common and often overwhelming emotion that we feel.

For many of us, this emotion develops in our childhood, when we receive feedback from our parents about our thoughts and behaviour. And sometimes, we internalise this feedback in ourselves so much that when we don’t meet our own standards of performance as adults, we shame ourselves.

This creates a vicious cycle where we feel less and less confident and more and more shameful.

One way to break this cycle and stop feeling shame, is learning to identify the triggers — like the situations, thoughts or people — that are contributing to this feeling of shame. We do this by asking questions like:

• What specific actions trigger my shame feelings?
• Am I judging myself too harshly in this situation?
• Is this shame based on my own values or others’ expectations?
• Is it possible that I’m attributing shame to someone else’s judgment?
• What evidence do I have that supports my shame?
• How can I reframe this situation in a more positive light?
• Do I treat myself with the same kindness I offer others?
• What lessons can I learn from my shame experiences?
• Is my shame preventing me from pursuing my goals?

Remember that shame, while complex, is something you can navigate, and it’s important to extend self-compassion throughout this exploration.

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Read more:

• Can You Be Too Hard on Yourself? (Mitsu)
• How to Identify and Challenge Negative Thoughts (Mitsu)
• Where Toxic Shame Comes From and How to Work Through It (Healthline)
• The Psychology of Shame (VeryWell Mind)

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Vidula V Sawant (M.A., M.Phil., CRR No. A80980) is a clinical psychologist with  4+ years of experience and a passion for understanding the complexities of our minds and behaviours.